I was wandering around the internet (as one does) searching for… something. I have no idea what it was, except that it wasn’t important. No doubt it was one of those marvelous rabbit holes I go down that begins with a serious inquiry and likely work-related and ends up leading me to Jennifer Anniston’s favorite salad recipe. Again.

I may not recall what I was looking for, but the journey itself was marked with anxiety, fear, and profound sadness. Every side quest resulted in finding news about decisions made in the Oval Office that are already significantly impacting our world.

And I thought COVID was frightening.

Amidst all the news that seemed just this side of apocalyptic I ran across someone who was writing about prayer. She said that she prayed not to change the will of God, but rather to guard her heart. I don’t recall that this was tied up in the “whole armor of God” sort of thing, but rather a sense that prayer helped her remain true to who she felt she was called to be.

That phrase has followed me for the last week. It’s crept under my skin and is slowly making a home in my spirit. I need to guard my heart.

I don’t interpret this as putting up a wall between myself and the rest of the world – using my privilege to prevent me from feeling the pain and the needs around me. Instead, I hear these words (I feel these words!) cautioning me to not allow my heart to be hardened by all that is occurring – not to be overcome by it all.

I think that when I pray for others and for this world, I am guarding my heart by reminding myself that I am not alone in my worries and concerns. Prayer is an incredible reminder to me that I am not alone. We are not alone.

The book of Proverbs (part of what is aptly known as Wisdom literature) offers this suggest: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:22). This calls to mind all the other ways in which I guard my heart: I write. I move. I knit. I sing. In a few short weeks I will once again pretend to garden.

I will guard my heart so there continues to be hope within it and love within it, because that is the most powerful resistance to evil that I know of.

And we must resist.