Vacating.

I need a vacation.

The problem is, the week that leads up to any vacation is filled with such busyness and angst.  It’s not just packing.  For me it involves making sure that everything work-oriented is where it needs to be, or at the very least, under the watchful eye of someone else.  I put in more hours at work the week before vacation than I think I actually spend *on* vacation.

Throw in that vacation this year is wedged between the end of the summer semester (everything due on Friday… the day we leave!) and my Comprehensive Exams and you get the picture.

I’m not complaining.  Whining, a bit, perhaps, but not complaining. 

I love the life I live and the people I live it with.  I love being busy – not for the sake of busyness, but for that wonderful feeling at night as I sink into the pillow and realize that at least for a few hours, I’ve spent my life well.

Those who know me, know my hands are rarely idle.  If I’m not knitting, I’m… well, I’m knitting.  My brain operates in a similar way.  I’m always thinking, scheming planning….

Which is why I need vacating.

I need to be made empty.  To surrender the possession I have of my thoughts and plans.  I need to feel the freedom that comes from doing absolutely nothing.  And I realize that this Sabbath time is so essential to my well-being and my soul (for it is when I remember that I am Creature) that it is worth the work that leads up to it.

(And the work that follows… but I can’t think about that just yet).

This emptying of self takes place several days after actually leaving home.  It involves a day-trip to our camp, and then the construction of our new home (made of canvas and metal poles).  It involves shopping for provisions, and getting things settled.  And then, at some point during the week it happens.  I go from being all these things that I am to simply being me.  Every year I fear it won’t happen… but it always does.  I am re-created and renewed and restored… rebooted as it were. 

But for now?  Now there are a couple of papers that still need work, and a desk that needs clearing… several yarnish details that need my attention and that book thing we’re working on.  For now there’s the house that needs to be made clean for the week when we’re gone, and the rabbit that needs fresh greens and the cat that needs attention.  Now?  Now there’s laundry that must be done, and bulletins that need to be prepared and books that need to be assembled for the days that follow vacation.

But all of this “now” is to be followed by the then/zen of vacating…. and it is worth it.