The Quirky Calvin-isht

The opinions opined in this blog are NOT necessarily those of the denomination nor the church I serve. Just wanting to get that out there, because not everyone agrees with me.

Huh. Thinking I might need to add my spouse to that list.

I’ve been struggling with putting together meaningful sentences for the last week or so. Some of it is personal (mom tripped over a fake alligator while visiting Florida and broke her hip… ended up with a stomach ulcer… etc.) but so much of it has to do with what is happening in national politics.

Since January I’ve done several things to protect my personal sanity. I deleted Facebook and Instagram accounts (not wanting a single penny going into the pocket of Meta) and limited my news intake. Reading Chris Hayes book, “The Sirens’ Call¹” was extremely helpful in this regard.

I’ve also adopted a FAFO* stance, figuring that there’s precious little I can do on the national level to stop the dumpster fire that has become our government, and have chosen instead to focus on the local level. I can only have impact on the three feet around me, etc. etc.

I figure, if our nation becomes the fascist fantasy of a few it will be important to have support networks in place on the local level akin to Mutual Aid². That doesn’t mean I don’t care, or that I’m not going to respond… it just means that I’ve come to realize that I can only do what I can do. When I can do more, I will do more.

Most days this is sufficient. Then there’s yesterday.

Yesterday we learned that a reporter was accidentally invited to a group chat on a commercial chat platform to discuss a military objective. I’m not going to get into the weeds here regarding the information shared, nor the probability that the choice of using a commercial platform was likely to avoid FOIA requests in the future. I could potentially discuss the impact of abandoning an established culture without carefully assessing what is in place and why.³

Instead, I’m finding myself playing the role of a mom addressing her wayward teen who didn’t take something (like, you know, national security) seriously. I find myself wanting to wag my finger in the faces of everyone who played a part in this story. It’s as if America has lost its prefrontal cortex and has no clue about things like consequences. I want to lean in hard with that wagging finger and scream:

• IF you don’t appoint people who understand the position they are filling… FAFO*.
• IF you don’t follow rules that were established to prevent mishaps from happening… FAFO*.
• IF you believe the rules and the law doesn’t apply to you…. FAFO*.

And, the rest of us don’t get off easy. If WE elect someone who surrounds himself with people who are sycophants, willing to ignore the rules in search of approval and rewards then…. FAFO*.

Of course, this is just one area of government. Unless the culture inside the current administration changes, expect similar issues from other areas (see footnote 3). This house is built on sand, and will not stand.

May God help us, for heaven knows we’re unable to help ourselves.

*Fuck Around and Find Out.

1. https://www.parthenonbookstore.com/item/zb7C99cVE0wCt0gAA9rACA (my local bookseller) ↩︎
2. So many resource out there on Mutual Aid. Here’s one developed during Covid: https://mutualaiddisasterrelief.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/NO-LOGOS-Mutual-Aid-101_-Toolkit.pdf ↩︎
3. :::shows PhD in Organizational Leadership:::: ↩︎

In my head, I’m the Queen of Resistance. After all, I resist daily workouts, flossing, and cleaning the bathroom like none other. It’s in my DNA.

Of course, my resisting cleaning the bathroom is not out of moral outrage but rather an inability to get off the couch. Perhaps it’s not so much resistance as it is laziness?

Which makes me wonder what resistance is?

In electrical-speak, resistance is how a specific material impedes the flow of electricity. In medicine, resistance might refer to the body’s ability to thwart infection. In the language of biologists (especially folks who work in the areas of ecology), resistance refers to the ability to exist in spite of massive changes. There are other definitions which are much more active, but in each of these examples, resistance isn’t a full frontal assault.

It’s a blocking maneuver. One I think even I have the capacity to do. In other words, I can choose to NOT be the path of least resistance.

For me, that looks like being steadfast and not losing hope. Some of this is tied to my faith (points to clerical collar) but folks who aren’t connected with a faith community might find hope in other places. What is your foundation? What are your personal core values that you WILL not budge on – even as our nation goes through what feels just short of apocalyptic changes?

Stand on that.

Yes, the Resistance needs folks who are directly confronting what is occurring (and from time to time, I’m called to do that as well), but I believe it also needs folks who are willing to simply take a stand.¹ A roots deep in the ground sort of stand. The sort of stand that evokes the image of a wizard with a staff firmly announcing “you shall not pass.”²

I can’t change the world, but I can influence/support/love the three feet around me.³

Friends, figure out what you stand for and what you can do, and for the sake of all that is holy… do it. If your work is marching and protesting and acts of civil disobedience, or if it is working on the dreaming and developing of what comes after :::points to hot mess::: this? Do it.

Prayers for us all.

Karen

1. It also needs dreamers and planners to move us from resistance into resilience. ↩︎
2. Yes, yes… this is from the movie. Tolkien’s original line was “You cannot pass” which also kinda works, right? ↩︎
3. https://onbeing.org/blog/sharon-salzberg-your-three-feet-of-influence/ ↩︎

Last night I moderated the Session at Onondaga Hill Presbyterian Church where I serve as the Bridge Pastor. For those who aren’t fluent in Presbyspeak – the Session is the governing board of the church and they are responsible for pretty much everything.

Being new I had so many questions:

1. Who fixes the plumbing?
2. Who lets visitors know we were delighted they were with us?
3. Who figures out if we should cancel worship if there’s a snowstorm?

(More serious questions, such as – how does the coffee machine work – I had worked out on my own).

The Session had questions as well. Deeper questions about how to keep on being the church with limited resources of time and treasure. Hard questions concerning nominations and budgets, and gratefully, a whole bunch of those conversations were intermingled with language of trust and faith.

Our central questions focused on the “what” or “how” of it all. It’s our standard go-to in the tool kit. Something’s not working, then how do we fix it.

We need to ask different questions.

Before we ask how to attract new members (or even the details of how best to follow-up with folks who DO visit so that it doesn’t seem, you know, weird) we need to ask WHY we’d want folks to be members of our faith community. Or, before we brainstorm ideas about how we will fund certain projects, what if we were to ask “does funding this project reflect what we believe?”

Some of this hearkens back to Adaptive Leadership¹, however, this is beyond reframing and checking things out from the balcony.

I think the Christianity is having an identity crisis. Our chief end is NOT to create a nation of similarly minded folk, but to glorify God and enjoy God forever.² We need to remember not only who we are, but Whose we are.

Our current context is one of daily destabilization. Each morning brings news about actions on the federal level. The maelstrom of changes has been overwhelming. That is intentional. If we try to address each and every act with “how” and “what”, we will be lost.

What’s required of us now as a church, and I’d argue as a nation, is to ask the questions that point to our values. Do the actions in Washington reflect who we say we are as a people? Heck, do our own actions reflect the values we say that we hold dear?

It’s time to step back from the “How will we…” and “What do we…” and remember our Why.

1. Heifetz
   ↩︎
2. Westminster Catechism, y’all.
   ↩︎

I’m where I’m supposed to be. 

Quick backstory: After several good years in mid-council leadership, finishing a PhD, and settling in to the first home that is ours – I left my position as the Resource Presbyter for Cayuga-Syracuse. I detailed my rationale a year prior to my departure and shared it with the leadership of the Presbytery… so it wasn’t a surprise. Well, it wasn’t a surprise for THEM, although I learned several things during my five months of “re-wiring”.

• The best laid plans…. seriously. Except for a lovely trip to cat-sit at my daughters’ house and a great birthday trip to Toronto with my sister, everything else fell apart in a grand way. I’ve already had my pity party, and if you weren’t invited, consider yourself blessed. It was ugly.

• The ____(A)____ that was going to get ____(B)____ during this sabbath time were ____(C)_____. 

A = craft projects, books, writing, research, organization.  

B = finished, started, read, written.

C = abandoned, left undone, shoved under the bed.

• When your spouse gets let go from his position of 27 years and ends up spending several months at home with you, you begin to rethink the purchase of a 900 square foot condo.

Transitions have both push and pull components. Staying home another month was simply not a sane option. I’m back in the pulpit in part because of the above reasons. I was pushed back into ministry.

I was also pulled.

I began at Jamesville Community Church as their Bridge Pastor at the beginning of June. Every day I’m discovering more reasons to be doing what I’m doing. My prayer is that my ministry here will be a blessing for the good folks here as they prepare for the person God is calling to this place.

At the same time, I’m rediscovering the joys and frustrations of the pastorate. I’m learning first-hand the concerns of the church in a post-Christian, post-COVID, world. This isn’t the same ministry I left only a decade ago, and yet I continue to trust that God is in the middle of it. 

I still don’t know what’s next, but I do know that I’m where I’m supposed to be. For now, that’s more than enough.

There’s an old clown ministry skit (hush!) where a series of solo clowns walk on the stage each carrying a piece of lumber. On one side of the lumber is the name of a Christian denomination (Baptist, United Church of Christ, Presbyterian, Catholic, etc.). As they maneuver about the stage, turning this way and that, the boards collide. Hilarity and mayhem ensues. A few minutes later, all the clowns are on the floor, with wood strewn everywhere.

A solitary clown walks on the stage with a sign bearing a cross and the words: “is there Carpenter in the house?” and nervous laughter erupts from the audience. The church is a mess. It’s always been a mess because it’s made up of people who are cracked and broken and less innocent than clowns. We laugh at the clowns knowing that we really laugh at ourselves.

As disordered as denominational ministry might look, for the last thirty-some years of my life it added order to my days. There’s always been at least one project looking for my attention or at the very least a sermon that needs writing. January 1st I stepped down from my last position into a time of unpaid (and potentially unending) sabbatical. In spite of this all being planned for about a year, I find I’ve been a bit rudderless. Who am I if I’m not the head of the local mop-and-bucket brigade, providing resources and assistance to congregations and clergy?

This sabbatical has been without shape or form. In my defense, I ended up with a bad cold for one of those weeks, and of course there were a few days puttering around our new place making adjustments. I had a couple of days working with tech support to figure out what was wrong with my computer (yes, DAYS) and am now in Indiana taking care of my grandfloof cat while his moms are cruising. It’s a good time to be apart from everything familiar, simply answering to the needs of a large (rather vocal) cat.

I knew I’d not find answers to my great questions immediately… but I’ll confess that I had thought I’d be at a point where I was formulating the right questions.

I continue to insist that I am rewiring (instead of retiring). I don’t see myself leaving the central core of who I am, and what I am called to do. I know I have certain skill sets that are useful to organizations, and believe I’m still called to use them. The questions that I’ve been working with are those of when and where, and with whom.

And… why I should rewire.

Absolutely, why.

Anyone know a good electrician?

In a little over a week, I will have finished my ministry as the Resource Presbyter for Cayuga-Syracuse. While everyone seems to be counting down to Christmas, my countdown continues through the following week as we round out the year. I’ve decided my to-do list is a sad substitute for opening those little windows and doors on cardboard Advent calendars.

When I first began my work here, I quoted college president J. Gordon Kingsley. A year later, in August of 2020 I quoted him while we were knee-deep in COVID test kits and wondering if we would ever gather in person again. Kingsley said that leaders “need to learn the song of the tribe in order to sing the song of the tribe so that others can find their place in the song and then, together, write the next verse”.

What followed were several incredible months of traveling throughout the Presbytery and listening to your greatest joys and deepest needs. I saw ministry and mission happening in so many different settings and heard questions about what it meant to be a connectional church in this time and place. When I met with the leadership in this Presbytery those questions continued. 

The running joke when I arrived was “what the heck is a Resource Presbyter”, but the underlying question has always been “what does it mean to be a Presbytery?”. Beyond the questions of “what does a Presbytery do” or “what is the purpose of a Presbytery?” is this deeper question of meaning. It begs us to identify if there is value in a Presbytery apart from its function. As this Presbytery continues to explore possibilities of shared leadership beyond its boundaries… this question of worthiness is a critical one.

Is there goodness in being a Presbytery beyond its function?

My biggest regret over these three plus years is that we didn’t often have a chance to sing together. Presbytery singing is different than congregational singing. If you know, you know. At our last in-person meeting when we gathered around the Table and sang “For Everyone Born a Place at the Table” the Spirit in that place was downright palpable. It is evidence enough for me that the Presbytery is more than its function and more than the sum of its members: it is yet another way for us to join in God’s song. My prayer for you all is that you find new ways of “singing” together – gathering voices and hearts in worship and work. Worrying less about the work of the Presbytery and more about *being* the Presbytery.

I don’t know what the next verse looks like for me or this Presbytery. What I believe is that the song continues, and that is enough.  

I credit Dr. Fauci for introducing me to the concept of rewiring. As in, I’m not retiring, I’m rewiring.

I realize this opens me up to an ongoing circuit of revolting puns that are positively shocking (for the rookie punsters out there, that was a four-pun phrase which puts me in the masters league), but wordplay aside, it’s accurate.

At the end of this month, I will step down from my role as Resource Presbyter for Cayuga-Syracuse and will go on to do…

Well, quite honestly, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m not quite ready to step away from working at least part-time, but I don’t know what that work will look like. I plan on taking several months to discern where God is calling me next. I’m not retiring. I’m rewiring.

I suppose this language shouldn’t seem foreign to Presbyterians. When a congregation Calls a pastor, that individual is “installed” in that position. If we can install pastors, why can’t we be rewired as well? I’m not suggesting a need to put in a dimmer switch (hush!) but to consider what new connections might be made that will be illuminating not just to the individual, but to the larger community as well.

The last congregation I served as pastor has bragging rights as being the first church in the world to be lit by electricity.* The manse was an old Victorian (11 bedrooms!) that had years of deferred maintenance. Some of that deferred maintenance decided to show itself in the form of sparking wires in the basement – old cloth-covered wires that didn’t quite date back to Edison but were close, and some of the original wiring was in place (but not being used). Listening to the emergency crew that was sent in talk about what they were seeing was amusing. Amidst the expletives were words of awe. They were seeing and repairing wires that represented the history of their own work. They were seeing Edison’s legacy first-hand.

No one would suggest we simply continue using the old wiring. That doesn’t diminish how well it worked at one point, or the many lives it brought light and comfort to. Rewiring is an act that honors the legacy while leaning into what comes next… or at least, that’s what I’m telling myself.

It does beg the question, however, what else needs to be rewired. And yes, I’m looking at you church. The world needs to hear the transformative gospel of Jesus Christ. How are you wired to do that work?

* First Presbyterian Church of Roselle, NJ – home of Edison’s “electrolier”. The manse (known as the Mulford Mansion) was part of Edison’s first electrified town.

Thirty years ago my go-to book was the classic “What to Expect when you’re Expecting”. I wasn’t quite Mary-sized for the pageant that year, but I was far enough along that everyone knew the Presbyterian Church of Attica would soon grow by one member. The book details what physical, mental, and emotional changes occur during pregnancy on a month-by-month basis. I’m pretty sure I had much of it memorized.

There are other books in the series including “What to Expect: the Toddler Years”, and the ever-popular, “What to Expect: Year Two”.  I remember a few years back looking to see if there was “What to Expect when you’re Expecting Menopause” but apparently that book is yet to be written.

The church talks a good talk about expectation and hope during this season of Advent. What we don’t expect is the unexpected. Some of our congregations have codified Christmas (and the Advent run-up) to the point where any deviation from established tradition is seen as heresy. One year, the family invited to light the advent candle lit the wrong candle. When I later heard several folks in the congregation complain about this mishap, I echoed their concern and added that I was pretty sure Jesus wouldn’t be coming this year because of this grave oversight. 

I’m not certain they appreciated my insight.

How is it that the most unexpected event in history has become so over-orchestrated by good folk in the church? Some of it has to do with an attempt to re-create holy moments, and the sense that if certain things don’t happen, we won’t feel the way we felt that first time. Some of it has to do with comfort (and joy… comfort and joy!) of knowing what will occur and when. If the wreaths on the door are always the same it’s one less thing for good-meaning folk to debate. There’s something to be said about knowing what to expect when you’re expecting.

We may sing “Come thou, long-expected Jesus” but in spite of the lyrics, we’re singing about a distant baby in a far-off manger and not the Christ who calls us to freedom from fear and the call to work towards God’s kin-dom. Jesus of the cradle is so much easier to worship than the Jesus who walks toward Jerusalem and the Jesus of the cross. We expect the baby to show on Christmas Eve, but not the Rebel Jesus*.

And yet, God surprises us still. May the unexpected show up for us this Advent and Christmas season.

Blessings –

Karen

*With many thanks to Jackson Browne for this language, and the incredible song of the same name. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tr1d0ivyTTk