“Oh lovely Art, in how many grey hours, When life’s fierce orbit ensnared me, Have you kindled my heart to warm love, Carried me away into a better world!

How often has a sigh escaping from your harp, A sweet, sacred chord of yours Opened up for me the heaven of better times, Oh lovely Art, for that I thank you!”

The Choral Art Society concert began with Schubert’s beautiful An die Musik – Ode to Music.  The chorus did an admirable job last Saturday as they continued with a Mass by Schubert, a Missa Breva by a modern composer and closed with some technically challenging Handel.  It was a delight to sit and listen and be transported… ‘opening up for me a heaven of better times.’

On a similar note (see what I did there?) an hour before the concert, I dropped off my flute to be repaired.  The pads need replacing… and it needs a bit of a tune up.  (Did it again!  Sorry!)

Music has always been such an intrinsic part of my life and I miss it.  Bill’s been able to sing with the Choral Art Society, but aside from hymns on Sunday (and singing to the rabbit) music has been absent. Oddly enough, I find that I really miss the technical aspects – scales and arpeggios and such.  With Bill’s encouragement, I’m going to start playing flute again.  Nothing serious, certainly.. but considering all that is going on in my world, a little ‘being carried away into another world’ is perhaps what my soul needs most.

The last two months have been a bit of a blur.  My mother-in-law, who had been fighting stage-four kidney cancer made the decision after Christmas to end treatment.  She carefully weighed the pros and cons, and with her healthcare team concluded that due to the fast rate in which the cancer was spreading in her lungs that cessation of chemo made sense.

I cannot contemplate making that decision.  She did so with incredible grace.  Bill, Ella and I flew down to Florida at the beginning of February so we could spend a final ‘good’ weekend with her… and it was good!  We ate lemon meringue pie, and spoke openly about what she had meant to us.

I also spent time with her talking about her funeral Mass (Alice belonged to Holy Family RCC in Port St. Lucie), and we selected music and scripture.  She confessed to me that she wanted to make sure this was all set so that none of her children would be faced with making these decisions.  She shared that she was saddled with this responsibility after the sudden death of her own father, and that she wanted to spare her family from this difficult task.  She was fretting about small details – and we began to talk a bit about ‘letting go of it all” and the how difficult that was.  Part of the problem, we agreed, is she also knew that of anyone, she would do the best job of planning just about anything!  Including her own funeral!  We both recognized that same streak in the other. When we’re good, we are very good… and it is hard to let go and allow others to do what needs to be done.

When we left, Ella and I did so knowing it would be the last time we would see her.  The plan was that Bill would try to get down there prior to her passing, and that once services were set, we’d join him.

All of that took place just a few weeks later – and much sooner than any of us expected.

Now, each of us is left with an Alice-sized hole in our lives, and the understanding that our work at this point is to move forward and to live.    And so, I return to the theme I’ve chosen for this year – a year of Jubilee.  I do so seeing this through a different lens.  Jubilee, for me, has been an intentional removal of some of the things that block me from true joy.  It’s been about developing better patterns of health and life, focusing on the physical, mental, spiritual and emotional.  It’s been about letting go of the bad… and embracing what is good.  One of the things I’ve leaned from Alice, however, is just how difficult it is to let go of what is good… or what I’m good at as well.

It’s Easter season – the great 50 days that lead up to Pentecost.  I enter this time with renewed hope and energy on my Jubilee intentions – but have realized the need to include a few that open me up to letting others be ‘good’ at what I’m good at.  Life’s short, but regardless of whether it lasts for 40 more years, or 40 more days, living with intention just about my own needs, but in tune with those around me is part of my declaring jubilee.

Part of what keeps me from ‘freedom’ is continual comparison with others. I know I’m not alone in this – it is part of how we sort the world around us. The problem comes when our sorting, or or comparing, become harmful. “Blessed are the Meek…” and all of that. I’m superior to this one because of my gender, my orientation, my race, etc. I’m inferior to this other one because of my class, my physical appearance, my education.

Although that sorting is essential to how we work in the world (sorting and naming… very Genesis-ish, no?) it can be done too casually.

I compare myself constantly with others at the gym. At times it provides me the wherewithal to go the extra mile (literally). How can I cycle less than the guy next to me who is twice my age? ::laugh:: At other times it sends me down that spiral of frustration. And in every instance it objectifies others.

So… this week’s Jubilee challenge for myself is to Stop. That. (Or at least, to be aware of when it is happening, and to allow some gentle forgiveness for myself).

This week is also a re-commitment to the program. I’ve been lax in several areas – and it shows!

..in more ways then one.  Last week’s plans were aborted when I managed to get the mother of all sinus infections.  The next week or so will be spent playing catch-up.

Last week’s Jubilee goal?  Get more sleep.  Hah!  😉  (Seriously, I did switch some weeks around, but it works, no?  Flexible like Gumby!).

This week’s goal is to spend less time doing nothing.  The internets suck me in – it’s a real rabbit-hole for me.  I have so much catch-up work to do this week that eliminating some of my wandering online makes sense.

Onward!

The year of Jubillee continues!  This morning’s Gospel reading connects well with the root understanding of Jubillee.  It’s about freedom from captivity.

That’s the plan, ma’am.

Last week’s Jubilee challenge was to spend time hitting the books on a daily basis.  With the exception of Monday (the holiday) I did a decent job.  I can’t say it’s made a difference in my being prepared to submit a paper by tonight’s deadline… but I do feel a bit less frazzled than usual.

This week’s challenge is to tackle the house.  1 hr. a day – doing whatever.  I’ve tried organized ‘zone’ plans, and never seem to get through a month.  The hour a day is over and above the usual (dishes, cooking, etc.), with hopes of hoeing out closets and other dark and scary places.

Ongoing challenges:

I’ve continued to limit diet drinks to 1/day or less.

I worked out 5/7 days – taking Monday as an additional holiday/break.

…not QUITE the same as the first, but in the same vein.

Last week’s Jubilee challenge was to get to the gym to exercise for at least 40 minutes of cardio.  I managed to do 6/7 days – not bad, especially considering I was in residency for a good part of the week.

This week’s challenge is to walk away from the diet soda.  There’s more and more evidence that it’s really not the best thing to put in your body – and I really drink it to excess.  We’ve only been buying it when on sale, but the last couple of weeks I’ve managed to guzzle a few small cases (yay, “can can sale” at Shoprite!).

It’s a small thing.  But, that’s what this year is all about.  Small things adding up to Jubilee.

In ancient Biblical times, the fiftieth year was a year of Jubilee:  a year of freedom and celebration from that which bound an individual. (Lev. 25:10)   As I begin my 50th year (I’m actually over a week into it!) I have spent some time reflecting on what oppresses me – or specifically, what areas of my life are holding me back.

I declare for myself a year of Jubilee!

This year, I plan on taking on 50 small challenges over the course of 50 weeks.  Each challenge is a small something that has great impact on my physical, spiritual, emotional and intellectual life.  The challenges are cumulative (week one’s challenge continues through the remaining forty-nine weeks).

Each week will begin with the Sabbath.  There will be a two-week break during August.  I’ll be taking my Comps at that point… and let’s face it, that’s enough to deal with at that time. 😉

Week One’s challenge:  Cardio six times a week, for at least 40 min.

Today is Wednesday – and so far, I’ve worked out 3/3 days.  (That includes today at the hotel gym!  Go me!)

Overheard at the local coffee shop last week:

“You know my history… how can you even ask me to consider trying again”.  Her friend waited a good few seconds before replying: “Everyone in Christ is a new creation… the past is finished, and gone!”

I sat there, stunned.  One doesn’t expect to find Christ in the Coffee shop – much less such wonderful theology as this.

This particular passage from Paul’s second letter to the Church at Corinth needs to be put to memory.  Those times when we cling to our history, including our history of poor choices and failures, it is as if we are saying that God’s Grace isn’t large enough to move us from where we’ve been.  We make idols of our history and worship them instead of allowing God’s love to transform and change us and to create us anew.

Yes, I know that terrible things have occurred in our pasts.  Yes, I know that some of those things were beyond our control (and I embrace the idea that if we can truly forgive we might discover real peace, and for many individuals that can only happen with good therapy and time).  I also know that some of those things were due to personal choice…. and it may be time to make another choice.  The choice to live as new creatures instead of wallowing in what was.

This year our Lenten study at First Presby Roselle is “Behold:  There is a New Creation” in conjunction with our being on the “Jeremiah Journey”  (a collaborative effort with the Center for Parish Development and the Presbytery of Elizabeth).  You’re invited to join us at 3 p.m on Sundays as we parse out what God’s DREAM might be for us as new creations.  Please join us!